i have two issues i’m dealing with and i think the book below might be a part of the problem and the solution.
problem
well this is not really a problem, but i’m starting to wonder how come every time i go to the library i find another book that reminds me of my childhood. i hardly remember any childhood memories, and yet, the library seems to hold the days of my life. my mother told me we grew up poor, but i didn’t know we lived at the library, poor. every time i find a book, it’s like one of those cryptic ink blots with a secret message inside.
solution
my 2nd problem, turned solution, is the book to the right is an unauthorized biography that just might solve my shoe problems. i’ve already touched on why i can’t afford to be a woman anymore. it’s too darn expensive and i don’t even look all that great, i just want to look halfway decent. i can almost find pants long enough to reach past my ankles, but i have a hard time finding shoes for my size 10, sometimes 11 feet. if i do find a pair of shoes, they’re so close to ugly that they’re touching. cute shoes stop at size 8.5 anything past that is just lucky.
i ordered a pair of shoes online and the heel was a little higher than what i normally wear, but i said if they fit, i will walk on stilts! they didn’t fit because of a gap around the arch area so i exchanged them for a narrow pair.
now i’m looking at the title of this book thinking that little boy is on to something, maybe i should wish for duck feet.
pros
1. no more shopping for shoes. no more shoes period.
2. i would not have to worry about getting my feet wet in bad weather.
3. no more scuff marks.
4. pedicures would be a thing of the past.
5. i would be a “shoe-in” for the olympic swim team.
cons
1. i would get runs in my pantyhose.
2. i would be the modern-day version of carrie (they’re all gonna laugh at you).
3. i couldn’t curl my toes.
4. i’d walk like a duck (but at least i wouldn’t be pigeon-toed).
5. i would not be permitted into most restaurants.
problem solved?
